THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES
BY JOHN
THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES #1
ROAD RAGE
BY JOHN, 8/5/10
Lucy: Ok, whoa, whoa, let’s be realistic! “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” [On a place, time & belief] Amos 3:3. John is a wimp and we should tell him what to do. Sometimes he follows me and sometimes you and you’re wimpy too. Tell John to be a man.
Gabe: Even Satan quotes scripture, but always to depress, divide and discourage.
John: Hey, guys, I’m trying to drive here. Did you see the way the guy was on my bumper? Now he passed me and I’m speeding up and going a two-three miles over the limit.
Gabe: Slow down to the limit. What are you trying to do, intimidate him back? He probably didn’t know you felt nervous with him so close to your bumper. Or worse, he’s an aggressive driver looking for a fight and you don’t want to fight.
Lucy: Don’t be a wimp, get on his bumper and scare the crap out of him, let him feel the way he made you feel.
John: I really don’t want to fight. First I suck at it, second I’ll probably get arrested and the guy will lie and say it’s all my fault and I’ll go to jail.
Lucy: What are you talking about? If the guy punches you first it’s his fault - case closed. Think about how many people he’s harassing, scaring and threatening. He’s gotta be stopped and God will help you to do it. God won’t let you lose.
Gabe: Jesus is a man of peace as Christians are. Satan is the rebel, the fighter and violent one. You are wise as a serpent, like Lucy, but peaceful as a dove, like me.
John: Yeah, that guy needs my prayers and besides he probably didn’t even notice me. He’s just looking for anger in others and then he’ll have an excuse to hurt someone. He’s probably full of anger and hatred and loves to crush and kill people. I don’t even like to hurt anyone, but if he enjoys it then, what chance do I have? What business do I have in challenging vicious people? It’s suicide.
Lucy: You’re just yellow, a coward. Feel that shaking, that buzzing in your head, that twisting in your stomach? That’s fear, just like when you were a little boy and you wouldn’t fight the bully. Unless you fight you’re going to hate yourself all week.
Gabe: If you wind up getting shot or stabbed or arrested and put in jail with a criminal record you’re going to feel bad for two or three years with either probation or a jail sentence. You think trying to get a job is difficult now?.Adrenaline causes fight or flight & that makes you shake. Walking away or turning your back on trouble & not creating a situation where none exists is not cowardice; it’s called “sanity” being normal and nothing more.
John: Yeah, you make the most sense Gabe. I’ve tried Lucy’s way before and I’ve wound up in a fight and the jerk usually told the principal,
“He just jumped on me for no reason. He started arguing with me and I didn’t start it, he did. He’s crazy. I’m gonna defend myself from him, it’s my right.”
Then I came out looking badly, especially when I found out I misunderstood what he was saying and took it as if he was embarrassing or insulting me. Then I’d feel bad for being stupid and a lousy fighter. I can’t win in those situations I always lose.
Lucy: Take some boxing lessons or karate for a couple of years then, you might be wrong but at least you’ll win the fight.
John: I’m too old for this. Once you turn eighteen you have to be responsible, be able to work and earn money and not go around fighting everyone that appears to give you a dirty look.
Gabe: Most boys & men always look like that or they’re thinking about someone else they hate or see you looking in their eyes so they think you’re judging them.
John: Besides if they’re violent or scorning me or making fun or me, why turn it into a fight and make it worse? There are so many punks and jerks out there that I’d be fighting every week and I couldn’t take that.
Lucy: If you stood up for yourself, you wouldn’t be scared and you’d have self confidence and nobody would bother you. Bawk, bawk, bawk, said the chicken!
John: Hey look, we’re catching up to him, he’s turning, let me sneak a peek to see who he is. I hope he doesn’t see me & give me a dirty look or scare me.
Lucy: You’re pathetic, give him a dirty look back or beat his butt.
Gabe: Oh, there she is, the vicious killer woman.
Lucy: Ha, ha, ha. Ask her for a date, smile, beep your horn. Oh, too slow. Faint heart never won fair maiden. You blew it again.
John: I can’t believe I let my imagination run wild. I was ready to fight or to run, because I thought someone was trying to bully me and it’s a girl, with a cell phone in one hand and a hair brush in the other.
Gabe: She must be using her knees to steer. We better pray that she doesn’t get into an accident.
Lucy: What? I’d laugh my butt off, if she crashed into a telephone pole, because she wouldn’t even put one hand on the steering wheel. She’d get what she deserved. That’s natural selection, survival of the fitness, weeding out the bad drivers. Ha, ha.
John: Evolution, evolution, it gets on my nerves!! It’s just a theory used by Satan to treat people like animals and inferior beings to be crushed by the superior race. Every race thinks their superior, that’s a lot of war. Get over it, Hitler!
Lucy: What ever. Why’s he mad at me? I didn’t do anything. I have the right to defend myself, you know? If you weren’t driving us, I’d smack your head, dummy. Don’t ever talk to me like that again or I’ll let Gabe turn you into a total coward and then turn you gay. Yeah, you heard me. He wants to make you into a woman, faggot.
Gabe: Satan, stop you back seat driving, in the name of JESUS!!
Lucy: Just let me out here. STOP THE CAR AND LET ME OUT!! Punks, I’ll be back.
John: (Singing) Tis so sweet…
Gabe and John Singing: …to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word….
